Please note that this is a submitted review, and the opinions here are not necessarily the same as MSFP
Now I know there aren’t a lot of Yugioh sues here and it’s not a mod specialty, but you don’t even have to watch the series to pick out what is wrong here. Before we begin, I would like to give you the chance to run away screaming while you still have the chance to preserve your sanity.
If you haven’t run by now, it’s probably too late.
Disclaimer: This is a submitted review and all opinions are not guaranteed to be held by the mods of MSFP.
OH DEAR SWEET JEGUS.
Alright, this is my very first submission ever to Marysue Facepalm so…*le sign* heeeeere we goooo….(Oh, and since this is a Homestuck submission, I’ll be using Homestuck-only reaction gifs. YAY.)
ur name is KEEKEE MAYAKI. u r a TROLL. u also hav a LUSUS who is a NEKO WIT WINGS! u liv in ALTERNIA and attend MONSTER HIGH. ur fav school subject is WRITING bcuz u liek ur DIARY! >//w//<
Your…Your lusus is a cat with wings?
Though I really have no right to judge what your lusus may be, considering Tavros had a fairy bull for a caretaker, well…
I just don’t know.
Also, I would complain heavily about your whole “school” thing, but it is actually canon that Alternia has (or did have) school systems.
ur sign is opiuchus/ai so ur horns r shaped liek HEARTS! u also hav RED STREAKS in ur hair and GOLD EYES.
OMG 24 FOLLOWERS?!
Thankyou so much guys, you have no idea how much that means to us! Hope you continue to support us!
Tsukiko (Hunter x Hunter)
Name: Tsukiko (last name not revealed yet)
Looks: picture (but with her left eye changing color) she also wears gloves to cover up a phantom troupe spider mark she has on the top of her hand
Age: 13 (gon and killua are 13, kurapika is 16 while leorio is 19 in my story)
Personality: very caring towards friends, slightly shy, sweet, mean and cold towards enemies, and sort of a tomboy
Oh great, the usual BADASS AND KAWAII personality. Worst part is she’s a tomboy. Nope, I understand why she’s like that, yup, it’s a common trait for all mary-sues. Yup. Plus, the additional heterochromia she has is totally not mary sue. It’s completely normal that her left eye changes color for no apparent reason, and she belongs to the phantom troupe! What fun!
Likes: Cats, any other small animals, the colors icy blue and black, her friends
Dislikes: insects (except spiders), mean people
Of course she hates “mean people” , cause she’s that kawaii. The phantom troupes are obviously “not mean people”
Mother & Father: Dead
Powers: minor space traveling, neuro liner, nen
History; Her mother was a space traveler and her father was from the world of accel world. When she was born, her father gave her a neuro linker. She grew up in meteor city. Her parents were killed one night when she was 8. She was taken in by the phantom troupe. Since she is only hald space traveler, she could only full travel twice (one to sword art online, and one back at 7 years old). That means she cannot travle to the real worlds there. She can only got to cirtual worlds and not any other worlds. She can summons creators and items from the game to the Hunter x Hunter world though.
Did she just mix Accel World, Sword art online and Hunter x Hunter into one friggin fanfic? Nope, nope. What the fuck, and why would the dad give her a neuro linker when she’s born and why would the phantom troupe take her into their custody? They have no time baby-sitting a 7 year old brat, they are busy killing people. And how did she jump to phantom troupe to gon’s group?! Kurapika would kill her instantly the moment he saw her spider tattoo. What rank is she in? How would a 7 yerld old (my bad, 8) go be a phantom troupe just like that? EVen killua fucking zoldyck, who’s been training the art of assasination his whole life feared the phantom troupe so badly. Kalluto also was shocked to see how powerful the phantom troupe really is and when he joined in, he feared them even being rank 4. This girl has no special training and suddenly she’s in the phantom troupe, wow. And why would sword art online be in this fucking show? There is already greed island for godsake.
February 3rd - Aquarius
18 years old
Third Year~ Senior Foreign Exchange Student
Looks okay so far, the fact that she’s 18 and looks like a little cute loli kid kinda bothers me, but it’s ok so far , UNTIL…
Twin Daggers. Ruuka has taken classes to learn how to manage daggers in order to protect herself, since she used to fight sometimes. However, she’s not going to use them without a logical reason.
Since she’s lost her old daggers at Tenman-Ji, she’d to buy new ones. These have artificial sapphire blades.
There it is ladies and gentleman. The hints of a tragic back story. She used to fight? but how come she looks like a weak fragile girl? Having DEATH as your persona is already mary sue, cause PERSONA 3 specifically states that the 13th ARCANA DEATH was NEVER meant to be. Her weaknesses are ok, but i have a feeling this oc is gonna be much worse
4”10’ ( 147cm )
88 lbs ( 40 kg )
British, with Japanese/British heritage
Sweets. Specially passion fruit and lemon ones.
Chemistry, Biology, Physics, Math and History
Quiet places and extremely cold ones - specially if it’s raining or snowing
Any girly thing
Shopping and visiting gardens
Cooking - however, it’s much more like producing poison
Cute accessories and
Fruits in general - Specially strawberries and mulberries.
Both italian and japanese food
Music- Very eclectic when it comes to this topic.
Be surrounded by friendly people. She still likes it despite her tries to stay alone.
Lolita and gyaru fashion, and some mangas.
Noisy and/or hot places
Lies - However, she doesn’t mind jokes
Dishonest people, authoritarianism and prejudgment
Long dresses and high heels since it’s hard to move with them.
To be left alone. Still dislikes it but tries to avoid any company.
Being observed by lustful eyes, which make her nervous
Cleaning. Would rather leave the work for the others
Quiet , calm and rather shy. Ruuka’d rather listen to the others than speak as well as she isn’t good at expressing herself, and won’t talk unless spoken to.
Much more rational than emotional.
Apparently emotionless. Usually tries to crush down her feelings.
But this doesn’t mean she doesn’t express them sometimes, which usually occurs in shameful or funny situations.
She mostly shows no interest forward anything, even if it’s of her interest.
Naïve and curious. She’ll believe almost everything you say, also can’t differ obvious lies from truths.
Careless and distracts easily with insignificant stuff.
She shows her appreciation by protecting her friends, giving them gifts and doing favors and she’ll be really upset if declined.
She’s trying to avoid any contact with people, even her friends.
Is rather lazy, may be absent sometimes and may commit really stupid mistakes.
Resentful and is really cruel with whom she bears a grudge. She doesn’t know what’s mercy anymore—
Caring. When someone is in danger, she wouldn’t think twice before saving them, even if it’s a complete stranger.
Won’t protect everyone, for now she’ll just protect a few friends.
Very negligent when it comes to herself.
She’s trying to avoid other people. In her mind, once she approaches anyone she’ll lean on them and that will make her even weaker and dependable. Also, after the kidnap, all her fear of getting hurt by the others acquired during her childhood came back and even her best friends might have some difficulty in having her trust.
She’s trying to be more independent now. She will never accept help, not even in the worst situations. Actually for her failure is better than receiving help.
FearlessnessLack of awareness of danger
Has no empathy. Also takes long to understand the other’s feelings- if she does.
A little absent sometimes.
Naïve. Trusts firmly everyone she knows until they deceive her. Now she’s having some trust issues
Bad memory. Forgets objects and names easily.
Doesn’t forgive easily. Even with her bad memory, if you betray her she won’t trust you ever again.
She can’t lie even when it’s necessary.
Might react aggressively, but only in dangerous situations.
Almost always sleepy.
Can’t concentrate for too long.
Merciless. You better don’t piss her off.
This is one type of mary sue. The usual BAD ASS and KAWAII personality. Seriously? Can’t people stick with one category of personality? (unless there is character development, which i supposed to be really good). She is kind hearted, independent, cruel, shy, kawaii, merciless,sincere, etc. Being independent is one thing i like about ths character because that’s her flaws, but did she have to be kind hearted and cruel at the same time? She’s also smart and girly, (sighs)
Ruuka is the only child of a rich and influent couple in England, who is strict and don’t let her externalize her opinion without repressing her severely. At about her 6 years Ruuka decided to crush down her feelings “I not going to show any fragility to them… Just until I’m old enough to live my life by myself”, she though. At school her situation wasn’t good either. Her lack of facial expressions made her classmates think she too arrogant to become social, therefore they excluded her. She pretended everything was fine.
Someday, while doing a group project she accidentally stepped on her group’s project, and unfortunately it’s glue was wet. The poster was completely messed , the group couldn’t fix it and received a low grade. Then they started hiding her shoes or her pencil case. She didn’t care it and later the actions became more serious. One day, she found out her flowers burned and slapped one of the bullies’ face. It was the first time she’s ever shown aggressiveness.
Due to her “incomprehensible” act her parents decided she wouldn’t attend regular school and would have classes at home . However much she insisted that they were actually bullying her, she couldn’t prove it at all. Several years later she finally could attend a regular school again, where she felt somehow included. She wanted to take justice into her own hands. As soon as classes started she defended and befriended everyone bullied there. This disgusted the bullies, who picked quarrels with her.
Her parents were displeased again by their daughter’s actions and she was reprehended a lot. Wishing for freedom of speech, she decided to study abroad “because their strings won’t reach me there”. She decided to attend Higashimori High School as recommended by a former Japanese classmate
You JUST said she used to fight, and now she’s a rich litle prooper lady from england? Oh, so shes a tomboy street fighter who’s apparently girly and kawaii and loli, and she’s shy and yandere? WHy does her hate have to go to sadistic levels anyways? Her cold nature doesn’t even make any sense. Nope, i totally get it. SHe’s so perfect that nothing elese matters anymore, nope, she’s just so bad ass. I hate it when ocs do this. If you have 5 good qualities, you need at least 6 bad qualities to balance it out.
Extended version: sta.sh/01mcqhmzja7o ( I give up orz )
In other words… Ruuka is a problematic girl orz
Her voice volume is really low. She may have to repeat herself several times to be listened.
Has a black Mini Lop called Alice.
Has a huge collection of scarves and plushies.
Anything she cooks can be considered mass destruction weapons-
She eats lemons and passion fruits with no sugar sometimes.
Drinks coffee everyday, with no exceptions.
Likes unique clothes.
She takes a bunny plush to the school. Senji told her that a bunny can die from loneliness, so that she takes Mizu-Chan to school.
When she doesn’t forget it at home thanks to her awful memory.
Please just stop. Yandere Loli RIch girls are not my thing. She belongs to the mary sue lovers blog.
Chika Kurotsuki is twelve, and a crazy S-Rank Criminal. She’s been to the akatsuki and back.But red moons and black moons don’t mix. Now she’s back in konoha, and word of her insanity is spreading like wildfire. Pein sending men after her, Anbu watching her from the shadows, and her demon, protecting her. Team 7 was something she never expected. A perverted Jounin Leader, another emo Uchiha, a useless stalking fangirl, and a child possessing amazing power.Will Chika bite them all to death, or spare them?
- I don’t even need an explanation to why this oc is a mary sue. She’s the definition of a mary sue.
Alexia Shizumu (Hunter x Hunter)
Name: Alexia Shimizu
Age: 13 (when followed in the series) and 15 (followed in real life)
Appearance: (on the picture above. )
Nen type: Transmutation
Abilitie/s: She has Claws; Rhythm Echo; Resistance to Poison, Electric Resistance, Fire Resistance, Immense Strength, Fire; (besic.. ) controls the movement of the fire. (later on.. ) change the shape into fire dragons.
*Poisons, Fire and lightning doesn’t affect her. But, of course she has weakness (On the plot, you’ll get the idea of what her weakness is).
Weapon: NORMAL danger and handgun
Occupation: Assassin (former), Hunter (information & blacklist hunter)
Oh sure. This OBVIOUSLY isn’t a rip-off of Killua Zoldyck and IA of friggin VOCALOID. Nope. It’s so original and awesome. I mean, who else in the group uses rhythm echo, claws, and has been training to resist poison and eletricty and has immense physical power? Nope, no one in the main cast of hunter x hunter is like that. So well thought. She’s clearly not overpowered or anything, nope.
>Hideharu Shimizu (Grand Father)
>Dahlia Shimizu (Grand Mother)*(Deceased or Dead)
>Fuji taka Shimizu (Father)
>Chitose Shimizu (Mother)
1st > Nico Shimizu
2nd >Alexia Shimizu (twins with Alexis)
2nd >Alexis Shimizu (Twins with Alexia)
3rd/2nd >Alois Shimizu (Adopted*Same age as Alexia’s)
Personality: At first, she is acting calm, cool, cold, and like she doesn’t care into anything. But later on, her true colors were shown because of her new friends. She became like Killua and Gon, cheeky, cheerful and full of mischievous ideas. Plus, she is also stubborn regarding her ideas ((she would have a debate with anyone ust to prove she is right—//kciked by Alexia))
Another side of her is being deadly and violent.
~ But, even though she is like that, she still shows her loyalty to her friends and she has her REAL kindness. She’s concern of friends than herself; without being concerned about her own life. In short, she doesn’t want her friends to be in danger.
Seriously? Ok. Your character cannot, I repeat cannot be BADASS and KAWAII at the same time. Choose one damn personality. She has 3, and they all don’t blend with each other. She is fun, cheeky, mischevious, deadly, violent, kind, cheerful, stubborn, cold,calm and cool. That’s so not mary sue and it’s so not a rip off of killua.
Weaknesses: She has to learn more about other things to understand, she has low defense, her weaknesses are her emotions and being soft. But, she doesn’t let and one to see her weakness. When facing her opponents, at first, if she doesn’t know anything about enemy, her mind goes crazy and doesn’t know what do do. She could be confident in her abilities but if she knows that her enemy is skilled and stronger than her, she would just block as if she’s like running away from her opponent. And also her weakness is the opposite of her abilities and sometimes her progress in her trainings are a little bit slow. Also she things of negative things (opposite of Gon). ((NOTE: Her weakness is still temporary EXCEPT the emotion part AND still on going xD)) Plus, she is careless and she has low defense —//kicked
Wait, what? She’s soft? You just said she was deadly? How, huh? What? Her weaknesses aren’t even weaknesses, or original at that!
“When facing her opponents, at first, if she doesn’t know anything about enemy, her mind goes crazy and doesn’t know what do do. She could be confident in her abilities but if she knows that her enemy is skilled and stronger than her, she would just block as if she’s like running away from her opponent.”
It’s exactly like fucking killua, don’t steal his goddamn spotlight. He is the second most important character, and his whole story is over coming that one crucial weakness. Every single character has their own obstacles and stories, and they are all original and different. This oc is just…ugh…UGGGGHHH.
Likes: Lollipop, Apple, Chocolates, sweets, Fire/Light, cute things, Pandas dragons… etc.
Dislikes: Ghosts, dark places, her mom, the people who hates her… etc.
Good at: Cooking (except baking), singing, playing guitar and piano, strategies, attacking and assassinating.
Bad at: Drawing, Dancing, chores, low defenses, baking.
I had enough of this oc. Chocolates? Lollipops?Assasinating? Really? KILLUA RIP-OFF. And what’s with this oc hating her mom huh? Please i beg off you, stop being like killua.
Plot or Background: Alexia was born as the middle child (second) with a twin named Alexis to a family of known assassins, the Shimizu Family (Aside from Zoldycks). Alexia has already mastered lots of killing techniques and skills at a young age. Alexia encountered pain such as punishments; conditioned to possess extreme tolerance for poison, electricity, and fire. ((I actually made a story for this. Her plot only. Maybe I should post it hee also. Huehuehue.. ))
|| Alexia, Killua and Sakura (another childhood friend of Alexia & Killua) had known each other since they were 6 years old, at Heavens arena. Killua, Alexia and Sakura had known each others’ nicknames ONLY (Kil, Al/Aru, and Saku/Kura). They don’t know each other’s real name. And that was the idea of Sakura, she said that it is a life time game; whenever the three fo them saw each other again, they could test if they still remember each other. Killua and Alexia, AS KIDS, they made a pinky promise to “marry each other when they grow up”. In the age of 7 ((one year passed)), Alexia, Killua and Sakura exits the heavens arena. ((Sakura was left inside for some hours OR mins. xD))
||Alexia founds out that Sakura’s grandfather is one who ordered the mafia who was after to her grandmother (Dahlia) to kill Dahlia, but they failed to kill Dahlia, instead, Alexis (twin of Aleixa) was the one who killed their grandmother ACCIDENTALLY because he can’t control his abilities. ((The lace of the necklace was detached, which is the necklace was the one “in-charge” for Alexis to control his ability [his profile is on going~] was detached with a knife with was surrounded with nen [was hit accidentally xD] )) So, Alexia killed Sakura’s grandfather along with his one companion,so sakura exits the heavens arena, but Sakura thought Alexia betrayed her and they both had a fight. When Alexia will almost knock out sakura, Ruth, ((my other OC, that is at the same age as Kurapika currently [her Profile is on going also] and when this happened she was 11)) teleports Alexia away from sakura so that Alexia wouldn’t continue to hurt sakura anymore. She was watching the whole time ((she passed by and hid xD)) and so— ((SPOILERS. You will see when i’ll post the story of Al’s plot xD))
Then 4 years passed, Alexia was 11/12 years old. She ran away from home during midnight, but, there is one of their butlers saw her running away and tries to stop her. The girl butler was injured by Alexia and she told to that butler not to tell anyone about “where she will go” and exits their home.
She took the hunter exam, and when she saw Killua, her first thought is that he is Kil (She was right). She remembered him by his face and his attitude ((OBVIOUS XD)). But, she didn’t want to ask him about it. But, later on, Killua founds out that Alexia is Al (During Chimera ant arc), because while Nefelpitou hits sakura (Sakura was killed there) and kite (injured xD) Alexia’s hair was a bit cut there. ((xD And now her hair is not symmetrical D))
||So, earlier than that, in the other side of the story Alexia didn’t pass because of Illumi (Brother of Killua)(Ilumi lets killua pass to beat Alexia), but she took the 288th Hunter Exam.
Oh my god. Can you not? Stop trying to make the story exactly like Killua’s. This is beyond saving. The whole assasin family and running way thing was over the line, not to mention the brother and everything. She is too copied, but hey, aren’t most oc’s rip-offs? BUT this oc belongs to the same show as the rip off character, and the creator of this oc LITERALLY BASHES OTHER MARY SUES. Pinky promise? Really? I personally think that killua won’t promise to marry her, he would think that it’s too girly and refuse. He’s that type of guy who denies things, he’s frigging tsundere. This is too unrealistic, and so self-inserty. She needs a more original story and everything, this needs re-writing pronto.
They met at a young age of 7 and 9, and the young prince of egypt has fallen inlove with the young beautiful mermaid princess, Ivy
In the Nile River, lived the Rainbow Mermaids.
Wait, what? First off, there are no “Rainbow Mermaids” in the Nile River, and the only mermaids that exist in that show are spirits who are trapped in the cards known as “monsters”.
She wears a rainbow seashell top. Her rainbow tail is red, yellow, pink, green, purple, lavender, orange, blue, light blue, sky blue, teal and aqua. Her tail has 13 rings on it, with the colors red, yellow, pink, green, purple, lavender, orange, blue, light blue, sky blue, teal and aqua. She has long rainbow hair with a green bowtie at the back. On her head, rests a tiara. She has cerlucean eyes and peach skin. She is the keeper of the Rainbow Pearl that was given to her by the goddess of the water world from the other side. She is the lovliest mermaid in the world. Her mother and her have rainbow stars as their birthmark, symbolizing royalty.
Of course, what is a mary sue without rainbow hair and her fabulous tiara. Pfft who wouldn’t be a rainbow princess in yugioh, I know i will.
This sue just keeps emphazing about how great she is and how everyone likes her. It’s on quotev, so i can’t copy paste it, here’s the link : http://www.quotev.com/story/3941036/Yu-Gi-Oh-Rainbow-Mermaid-Princess-of-the-Nile-River-Season-1-They-first-met-ov/1/
This has gotta be the worst sue ever. Seriously? rainbow Princess? are you fucking kidding me? You shouldn’t even make a new species or anything in a canon universe unless it really relates to the story flow (WHICH IT CLEARLY DOESN’T)
She has 3 bestfriends, and they all like her. She goes to school, and is liked best by the teacher who teaching. She wants to go back to time to see the first ever dual monsters fight.
First off,it’s DUEL. Not DUal. Second, they didn’t even called it duel monsters for godsake.The whole Card Game plan didn’t refer to their cards as monsters, so how? Look how she so special, and Atem falls inlove with her. What fun.
Ivy explained that she can use her rainbow ball to go back in time. Using the power of the gods, my mom hugged me, and I told them to go there.
Dear god. Really? The power of the gods? Goddammit. That’s atem’s thing. The whole point of the WHOLE GODDAMN 4 SEASONS is for atem to find the Egyptian God Cards, and suddenly this bitch here has the POWER of the Gods. She’s clearly not overpowered. Nope, she’s “apparently” has a magical Rainbow Ball that can “apparently” summon gods. Yup, seems legit.
That night, The Egyptian God Ra visited me. “Are you the rainbow mermaid princess of the nile river?” he asked. “How did you know?” —- “I can grant your wish” he said. Wait, time travel? He can grant it? “Yes, I can grant it. By using the Rainbow Crystal ball.My power is contain in there, along with many other gods.”